Open Letter to Conservative Republican Housewife, Who Kicked Me Off Her Political Blog for My Liberal Opinions,

After perusing your political blog and attempting to have thoughtful two-way debate with a conservative Republican, it appears that I merely stumbled upon a right wing, small-scale news *aggregator*. I could be wrong, but I could not find any other sources in your glossaries other than those of Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, Glen Beck, Ann Coulter, Britain’s Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail, in addition to others that I didn’t immediately recognize; I’m pretty certain the New York Times wasn’t in there.

In the typical style of a right-wing fanatic, you labeled me a “manipulative liar” for informing you that, in England, we call the Daily Telegraph the “Torygraph”. All I was suggesting was that you might read other British media to get a less outrageous point of view. What do you mean the BBC is just as biased? When I told you that you know absolutely nothing about the UK’s health care system and that you need to shut up about it, I meant to say that not all British mothers give birth on the floor in the toilets. I was born in a Victorian loony bin, but I turned out perfectly decently thank you very much. One could not possibly fathom how furious you must have been to hear the rest of the world slander President Bush for the eight years that he was in office (after all he was the best President history has offered so far, wasn’t he?); so you should be able to sympathize when it irks me that you malign the system that kept me alive with my bank account intact for over 20 years. France's healthcare system is the best in the world: it's your insurance system that is broken, liebe Frau.

Then you examined my IP address, saw that I was writing from the “US east coast” and told me that I was a liar for saying I’m British, which I found jolly unsporting of you. Despite your views on immigration, some of us filthy foreigners slip through the net via your Northern outposts *and* pay into the US social security system: with no hope of ever collecting it, might I add. 

Finally, you called me a “silly pest” and then had the temerity to ban me for abusive posting, which strikes me as somewhat hypocritical.

It was remarkable to be so barred when just a few posts previously, you had been complaining about the lack of free speech in Obama’s America.

Admittedly, it wasn’t a shining moment of glory for me; I should have known my attempt to correct you would come to naught. Your only desire is to point your finger at the world outside the US and yell: "we could end up like them!" As if England is some kind of Orwellian dystopia in which hospital patients writhe around on the floor in their own blood a la Dante's Inferno. I think it was the moment you refused to concede that Cheney ever lied which tipped me over the edge into upper case. Even Karl Rove has since admitted that Cheney had lied.

May I take this opportunity to remind you again that guns are not legal in England, so your argument that the ban on the traditional sport of fox hunting - during which event, no gun is ever brandished - was somehow linked to the rise in UK crime is utter rubbish.

I like to consider myself unbiased; I have seen both Karl Rove and Ann Coulter speak live in New York City. Conversely, you admitted that when Obama visited your neck of the woods, you took you “son to the mall” to avoid all Obama proceedings. “Yeah, I’m whining,” you said. No shit, Sherlock Bloody Holmes. Put a sock in it.

Actually, it's too late now. Joe Wilson has shown the rest of the world that the US right wing is a motley array of wizened lunatics who enjoy heckling their President like he's a Las Vegas early-bird special comedy act. If you've watched the British Parliament in progress, you will see that the US is a lot more like the UK now than they'd care to admit. But what am I saying? Even if you had popped into chambers during Prime Minister's Question Time, you'll only have heard the Conservatives talking.

As a footnote, I think it would be pertinent to add that I heard Ann Coulter speak at length in New York City on the ubiquity of “being easily offended” in politics and presently, I wholeheartedly agree with her on this point.

Sincerely yours,